Native American Legends
Teaching the Mudheads how to Copulate
A Zuni Legend
The Mudheads are not very bright. Long ago they didn't know many
things, even very simple, everyday actions. So a man tried to instruct
them.
He tried to teach them how to go up a ladder. He showed them how
to do it, and they tried to copy him, but they couldn't. One tried
to go up the ladder with his feet upmost, standing on his head.
Another tried to climb the back of the ladder. A third kept falling
through the rungs, while a fourth got tangled in the rungs.
They just couldn't do it.
The man tried to teach them how to build a house. He showed them
the right way to do it, and they tried to imitate his actions. But
one started with the roof and made the others hold up the ceiling
while he tried to build downward from it. Another put together a
house with no doors and windows. He built it from the inside, and
when he wanted to go out, he found he had walled himself in. The
others had to break down the walls to let him out. Still another
made the mud bricks out of sand. When it rained, his house collapsed
into a sandpile.
Try as they would, the Mudheads just couldn't do it right.
Then the man tried to show them a really simple thing - how to
sit on a chair. They watched and tried to do as he did. One sat
on top of the chair back and tumbled over. Another sat underneath
the chair. Another sat on the chair with his back to the front.
A fourth tried to sit upside down with his head where his rump ought
to have been.
They just couldn't get the point.
"Well," said their instructor, "I'll try one thing
more. I'm going to show you how to copulate." There was a fat
old woman who hadn't had a man in her for a long time. "They
can all practice on me," she said, "I don't mind."
So she lifted up her manta and bent over, and the instructor copulated
with her in the simplest way - from the back as dogs do.
The Mudheads watched closely, and then they all wanted to try.
But none of them could find the right opening. One did it in the
anus, another in the knee bend, another in the arm bend, another
in the armpit, another in the navel, another in the ear.
They tried and tried. They really wanted to do it right, but they
couldn't. "I give up on you," said the instructor. The
fat old woman just laughed.
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